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The add period isn't really long enough to determine whether you like a class or not, and unfortunately, I'm in a situation where the only thing I can do about it is to give up and try again next semester.

Also, the thing I miss most about home: hugs.

... generally silly

So. Massive depressive episode today. In fact, it's still going on, right now and I can't control it. Mostly I'm just feeling generally useless and out of options. And I kinda want to go home, which, since my medication apparently isn't working and the deans are aware of this, is an actual possibility. No, let's make that clear: if I'm going to be trying out new meds and going through that wringer, I want to be someplace where I can be certain of the emotional support I'll need, when I need it, instead of stuck alone in a room with classes breathing down my back and friends who have their own lives and who are therefore mostly unreachable. Besides, I'd need someone to make sure that I eat enough and don't sleep too much, and I'm not going to ask any of you to take on that kind of responsibility.

It doesn't help that the meds I was proscribed at school were the ones that played haywire with my memory. Not the Dr.'s fault, but still. Unpleasant association.

And while it would royally suck and I'd miss everyone and I would be bumped down to class of '08, maybe this kind of reaction says I shouldn't have come back now anyway. Dammit! I hate feeling like this!

But I haven't been able to stay awake, and over the course of the day the going-home option has changed from something I'm afraid to have to do to something I'm afraid to ask for. Damn! Depression, I hate you. HAAAAAAAAAAAAATE.

... I just can't stop crying.