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Nov. 22nd, 2005 08:10 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
sureiIt's the kind of nightmare where the it takes a moment to realize you're awake, and then you're crying so hard you nearly choke.
So of course I call my Dad. And of course he understands, and I understand intellectually the way he deals with it, but it just makes me feel worse.
And then he's not there to give me the hug I need, to remind me that despite the dream which told me that people would rather beat me and kick me out and make fun of me and give presents to people for "dealing" with me than sit at the same damn table as me, that he loves me though he isn't being sympathetic. That it will be okay as soon as I can calm down enough to deal with everything. I'm physically hurting because I need that hug that much, and I can't get it because he's on the other side of the continent.
(I'm still choking.)
(I'm not going to get that hug, because everyone's as busy as I am so they don't have time.)
(There's something about the fact that my suitemate is awake that makes it all so much worse.)
So of course I call my Dad. And of course he understands, and I understand intellectually the way he deals with it, but it just makes me feel worse.
And then he's not there to give me the hug I need, to remind me that despite the dream which told me that people would rather beat me and kick me out and make fun of me and give presents to people for "dealing" with me than sit at the same damn table as me, that he loves me though he isn't being sympathetic. That it will be okay as soon as I can calm down enough to deal with everything. I'm physically hurting because I need that hug that much, and I can't get it because he's on the other side of the continent.
(I'm still choking.)
(I'm not going to get that hug, because everyone's as busy as I am so they don't have time.)
(There's something about the fact that my suitemate is awake that makes it all so much worse.)