Speaking of hooks, this random thing just popped into my head:
The problem was that the toilet only spoke French, or pretended to, though it certainly recognized swear words fast enough to take offense. He couldn't threaten it, because how can you threaten something that doesn't understand you? And if he tried to smack it, it would only start wailing and making an awful racket with the plumbing, and the appartment would flood, and the next thing he'd know the manager would be knocking on his door with an eviction notice and he'd be out of a home, again, him and the toilet both.
"You hate me, don't you?" he said.
"C'est pas possible, chérie, je t'adore," the toilet warbled.
He didn't speak French, but he was sure it was something filthy.