... on the wall
Sep. 15th, 2006 09:33 pmI can't look at myself in mirrors any more.
I've never found my own face or body attractive, but something crystalized it recently, so that I have a sort of involuntary flinch reaction to seeing myself unless I'm expecting it and take it in objectively, like when I put in or on my eyes.
Objectively, I realize that although it's not pretty, it's not an ugly face either. Sure, the jaw is awfully square, and the hair is a dirty blond kind of brown with too much yellow and not enough rich brown, but there's nothing wrong with the nose, the eyebrows have an interesting sort of quirk to them, and the eyes are pale enough to be green instead of hazel. And my skin isn't as yellow as my mother's, or as red as my father's. It's actually a pretty decent color.
But it's going to have to be something powerful to get beyond the disgust I have for myself.
EDIT Nearly two years later, I public this. It was f-locked because at the time, I was ashamed of being upset, and afraid of being seen as whiney and losing friends because of it.
I've never found my own face or body attractive, but something crystalized it recently, so that I have a sort of involuntary flinch reaction to seeing myself unless I'm expecting it and take it in objectively, like when I put in or on my eyes.
Objectively, I realize that although it's not pretty, it's not an ugly face either. Sure, the jaw is awfully square, and the hair is a dirty blond kind of brown with too much yellow and not enough rich brown, but there's nothing wrong with the nose, the eyebrows have an interesting sort of quirk to them, and the eyes are pale enough to be green instead of hazel. And my skin isn't as yellow as my mother's, or as red as my father's. It's actually a pretty decent color.
But it's going to have to be something powerful to get beyond the disgust I have for myself.
EDIT Nearly two years later, I public this. It was f-locked because at the time, I was ashamed of being upset, and afraid of being seen as whiney and losing friends because of it.