waaaagh

It's been a while since I pulled a random all-nighter, and I really shouldn't have, seeing as I am sick, but... well...

Okay, it started with reading a story.

This is not unusual, right? You read a story, you're right in the middle, but it's still entirely possible to put it down (or leave the computer) and go about your usual processes of going to sleep. However, my voice is mostly gone, and I was laughing.

And it was almost 2:00 am, because that's the kind of story it is. (Mel & Christy's Demon of Justice, by the by, which was supposedly updated today before it was today.)

Soo... almost no voice + laughing + really early morning = weird ideas. Namely, I decided to record myself laughing (which I can do) so that I'd know what it sounds like later on. Then I realized that I couldn't laugh for no reason, and started talking.

And couldn't stop.

There were other things (like a minor emotional crash) involved, but it basically ended up with me continuing the story through about 7:30, at which point I figured I'd be getting up soon anyway and decided NOT to actually go to sleep. Not even for the two hours I was considering around 6:00, if only there weren't three more chapters to be read, or however many there were at the time.

Really, I'm quite proud of myself. I read 30 chapters of a very decent story, with a lengthy pause for recording throwin into the middle of it, in under 10 hours. Am I a fast reader or what?

Needless to say, this experience (or rather, lack of sleep) has made me... shall I say... loopy?

Well, weird even by my standards anyway. And probably likely to be amused by pretty much anything until the tiredness sets in. As I mentioned in one of the recordings (I made four), I sound like I'm high. At least, I think I do. I haven't heard any high people except for that one guy at the beginning of the year who kept trying to shake my hand and missing.

Oh, and if you're wondering? For me, tiredness also means a general lack of brakes on what I write or say. I'm actually thinking like this. Although, due to the time it takes to type, I'm usually a sentence to a paragraph ahead...

Meh.

bloody bloody bloody bloody bloody bloody bloody bloody bloody...

I like blood. It tastes nice, looks pretty, and does important stuff like acting as a transport network to get things around your body so parts of you don't die. And rot. Thus causing gangrene.

Blood is good.

I do not, however, like menstrual blood. That is a monthly reminder that you are female and physically capable of reproduction and is usually coupled with some sort of punishment that is your body saying, Dammit, you're not pregnant yet!

I don't want to be pregnant. I don't want to even be practicing becoming pregnant. I'd be much happier, I think, if I were barren. Mind, it's not as bad as some people have it - I don't collapse suddenly in the middle of walking unless it's to throw up, and usually all I get is a slow burn and nausea for about half a day, starting with maybe an hour or so of more intense pain that feels like something's ripping. Plus incresed nerve sensitivity, which makes the fact that I'm sick and bruised and it's a bright day out that much worse.

If I didn't need the hormones to finish maturing my body, I might seriously consider getting my womb removed.

I mean, I don't want children. Judging from past experience with cats, even if I did, I don't think I'd ever be able to take care of a baby.

Besides, children are parasites. They live off you for approximately nine months (Mummy, I vant your blood), throwing most of your normal systems and routines out of whack, make you push them out, and then live off you in a different sense for the next eighteen years or so unless they die or you die or you put them up for adoption.

They're parasites that we love and nurture and generally want to keep because they're the continuation of our species, but they're parasites.

Besides, if I'm going to be a vampire, then I'm supposed to drink blood, not randomly lose it once a month.

novoice rambles

I made a series of recordings of me just talking last night - early this morning, more like it, the latest one ending just before 4am.

And I was listening to them.

And I realized: I don't know this person. I remember saying those things, I remember feeling those things, I can even usually fill in what I think I said when you can't really tell because I was talking too quietly or too fast or without enough voice, but...

I don't know this person.

It's me, yeah. But it's me without normality's constraint. It's me talking to me, late at night, no reservations, no masks, no flourishes, nothing.

The me that I am during the day, the me that I show myself and the world, and the me that I am at night when I'm too tired to hold my perceptions and ettiquette around me - those are two very different people.

And the other me - the me I'm not right now, the me I was last night - this person knows me.

But I don't know them.

sudden inspiration!

The song I'm listening to -- it's pretty decent for explaining ABO!Kanna: why she lets Naraku walk all over her, why she obeys him, and the like.

( ABO & Non-ABO )